Spilling the MOST Tea, Part 6 (Finale): Kicking, Screaming, Crying, and Growing Up

Dear reader,

Hello!!

First, I wanted to ask: Did you have good tea this week?

As I wrap up catching you up on everything from this past year, I feel like I left a few things hanging in the balance from before last week. Given that we might not talk again for a bit, I wanted to give a final conclusion to everything that happened last year.

To be able to cope with everything, I went to therapy, and discovered more as to why I do things the way that I do…

“I literally want to vomit at the thought of another man. In fact, saying the word ‘man’ makes me wanna dry-heave,” I said to my therapist as I sat in her office while trying to untangle how I got into this mess.

“What part of you is disgusted by men? What part of Cody is feeling this?” She asked.

“Literally every part. Every aspect of me. Every inch of my body wants to regurgitate at the thought of another man. The fact they exist is literally exhausting the planet’s resources,” I replied as my face turned pale.

After another thirty minutes of being stubborn, I finally decided to open up to her about some of the events that had transpired over the past year. I talked about Tom, Wyatt, and even Cosmo and Wanda. I talked about how I had been disappointed by all of these people, and how it has launched me into this depressive state.

“Who else has disappointed you in your life? I validate that these things happened to you, but who else are these feelings directed at?” She asked.

After thinking for a moment, I replied, “You know, just them.”

“What I meant was, what is this triggering for you? When someone like Tom, or Wyatt, or Cosmo disappoints you, where in your past is that taking you back to? What about them is weighing you down?” She asked.

“Well, whenever I broke up with Tom, and when Wyatt left me, they both turned to their families. Tom has his roommates who he considered family, and Wyatt has his mom and sister. When things didn’t work out for them, they could just turn a blind eye to their actions and seek safety within their own family. Like Cosmo and Wanda, Wanda didn’t answer any of my texts and calls over the holidays because she was busy with family. Cosmo lives with his family, and he blew me off to spend time with his family, “ I said to my therapist.

My therapist then leaned in before asking, “Let’s talk about this idea of family. You keep mentioning that all of these people have a commonality, and ‘family’ is that commonality. What about this aspect is weighing you down?”

“Well, my family didn’t want me. My dad let himself die a death that could have been prevented for much longer. My mom and that entire side of the family were more focused on themselves, and it put me in impossible situations that made me need to fend for myself…. I had no one growing up. I was a very lonely kid, and that projected further into my adulthood. I remember telling myself that when I go out on my own, I’ll create the family I wish I had, and I’ll create it for myself. But now? 11 years after making that promise to myself, I’m 30, and I’m still single. I'm no closer to creating my own family. I go home to an empty apartment. It’s never-ending.”

My therapist leaned gently said, “That’s a lot for a boy. You were just a boy, and you had to fend for yourself. You had to protect yourself because no one else would. Then you put this pressure on yourself to create something, and honestly, that’s heavy. Don’t you think that younger Cody deserves to have some of this pressure lifted off of him? You’ve mentioned needing to put up a wall to protect yourself before, but isn’t that exhausting? When do you allow yourself to breathe, and when do you give yourself the time and space to just ‘be’?”

I had nothing to reply with.

She was absolutely right.

I opened my mouth, and instead of saying anything, a tear rolled down my cheek.

“It is exhausting, you’re right,” I admitted as I leaned back on the couch…

Later that week, I went to Whole Foods during my lunch break and went for the salad bar. When getting food from the bar, I looked to my left to see a familiar face.

It was Wanda.

“Oh, hello,” I said as she looked up at me.

“Oh, hi,” she said awkwardly.

She had a smile on her face, and when she saw me, her smile quickly fell. She looked like she was about to cry.

“Well, I’m getting lunch,” I said awkwardly.

“Yeah, same,” she said as her voice became shaky.

We both stood there awkwardly before we bid goodbye and went our separate ways.

While sitting in my apartment, I began to question: Why was I so quick to put her and Cosmo out? Well, I was disappointed by them. I was hurt by them. However, was it really worth throwing away the entire friendship? Maybe for Cosmo, but Wanda? As I pondered the answer to this question, I got a phone call from my mom.

“I’ve been needing to talk to you,” I said in an upset tone.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

Without hesitation, I steamrolled her and said, “Why did you marry Dad?! Did you ever think that marrying him was the wrong choice?!”

“Well, he was nice! And I loved him,” she said as she got defensive.

I then angrily replied, “You looked at a man who was freshly divorced and was paying child support on 3 kids with 2 different women, and couldn’t keep a job to save his life, and you thought he was a winning-prize?! And you decided to have children with that?! What the fuck was wrong with you!?”

“Go fuck yourself, asshole” she yelled as we both hung up the phone.

An hour later, I got a call from my grandma.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but your mom is quite upset,” Grandma said.

“Well, yeah, no one ever stands up to her. Like you! Have you ever stood up to her?!”

My grandma replied, “Well, she’s a grown adult. I’m 88. What am I supposed to do?!”

I then quickly got upset as I replied, “Did you and Grandad ever see how my sister and I were mistreated?! Did y’all ever notice that something was wrong?!”

She replied, “Well, we knew certain things but you know how your mom is. What is telling her off going to do?!”

I then got angry and replied, “Because the longer all of you watched her become self-destructive, and the longer y’all didn’t say anything, it affirmed to her that she was never in the wrong! Who else but you is going to stand up to her? We went through stuff we should have never been through, and you all just watched! You let it happen!”

My grandma got defensive and replied, “Well, she’s a grown adult, what she does with her kids is none of our business.”

I then began to cry as I shouted, “She might be an adult, but I am your grandchild! I was a child! I was defenseless against them! It is your business because I am your grandchild!!”

It’s safe to say, the phone call ended.

While sitting in my apartment, I began to reflect further. I couldn’t change Tom and his drinking, so why did I stay in that relationship for as long as I did?

I thought he would change.

I thought Cosmo and Wanda would change.

I thought my entire family would change.

However, the only thing that can change is my perception and expectation of these people. If I know these people are who they are, then what business is it for me to try to change them? Or better yet, why is it on me to expect more of them than what they can provide?

What did confronting Mom and Grandma do to fix my current situation? Like I told my therapist, at the end of the day, it’s just me.

So why can’t I change my perception and expectations of everyone else instead?

A few nights later, I went down to the coffee shop and saw Wanda. I pulled her aside and told her I needed to get something off my chest.

“Wanda, I’m sorry about how I handled everything. I was frustrated, and I should have come to you about my issue, not come at you. I was frustrated because it felt like we had a great friendship going, and it felt impossible to make plans with you. You said you were busy, but I also went out of my way to create time for you and Cosmo. I was going through a lot. I went through two break-ups back to back, dealing with family issues with my mom and grandma, and was being harassed by a neighbor. I had to go to court, and it was really scary. I needed you. I needed Cosmo. I needed my friends to be, well, be my friend! But I should have talked to you, and I shouldn’t have sent that text. I’m sorry.”

Wanda then smiled and said, “Thank you, Cody. I’m sorry too. I was taken by surprise, because it felt like you just threw away our friendship out of nowhere. I wanted to fix the issue, but I had no idea you felt this way. As for Cosmo, he’s had a lot of family issues come up. He has been going through a lot.”

I replied, “I should have come to you, not at you. I wish I did, and I’m sorry. As far as Cosmo goes, I don’t need to talk to him again. He stood me up several times in a row without any call or text. He has the benefit of closing off the world to dedicate himself to his family, and that’s great for him. But he also didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt to be understanding of his situation as well. Giving grace goes both ways. If he doesn’t tell me what’s wrong, then I can’t be understanding of him because all I know on my end, is that Im being stood up. As far as family goes, I don’t have a family to turn back to. I’m glad he can do that, but when I go home, it’s just me. Hell, you and Cosmo were the closest thing I could call a family this past year! However, I can’t change him, and I can’t make him communicate more, so I’ll just let things be. If he comes around again, then it’ll be up to him.”

Wanda then replied, “Well, I’m not making excuses for him, but he was also home-schooled. His social circle is really only his family. He doesn’t have a lot of experience with people outside of that.”

Then, it dawned on me as I thought to myself, “Cosmo isn’t gay, he’s just homeschooled! No wonder! It’s easy to confuse the two.”

Wanda then said, “I never stopped loving you!”

We hugged as I replied, “I never stopped loving you, too.”

I walked up to my apartment and sat on the couch. As I did, my cat Butters jumped on the couch and sat right next to me. My other cat, Sunshine, also came up and jumped on the couch.

Then, I realized, I was wrong.

I didn’t come home to an empty apartment. I came home to two kitties who loved me.

I then had another realization: I do have a family that loves me. I volunteer at the coffee shop at the base of my apartments and help the special needs. A lot of there special needs kids enjoy my company and they call me ‘friend’. The owners of the coffee shop actually invited me to their house on Thanksgiving, and I got to enjoy the holiday with a group of people who loved me for exactly who I am.

I was then distracted by the sound of movers carrying furnature by my living room window, and watched as the nightmare neighbor was moving out. Apparently, the apartments evicted him, and after this particular weekend, he’d be out of my life forever.

Then I thought back to the court date I had to when I got a protective order against him, and remembered that one of the mothers of a girl with special needs went to the court date with me. She sat in the court pew behind me and made sure that I was okay.

As I took out my phone to text her the good news of the neighbor moving out, I decided to send another text first. I texted Mom and Grandma and apologized for my phone call the other day.

I then noticed a notification on my phone from a dating app that showed I had a profile recommendation. I opened the app  and to my surprise, Tom’s profile came up.

I looked at his profile, and had another realization: I don’t want to date anymore. Dating had brought too much chaos to my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married and have kids one day, but does it really need to be today, if any? Why do I have these app?

I then deleted all of the dating apps from my phone.

While looking down at my phone, I got a notification from Instagram. I opened the app to see that one of the teens with special needs from the shop I volunteer at that read, “I miss you, Cody. Can you come back down? I want to see you.”

I smiled at my phone as a tear began to roll down my cheek. I replied, “Of course I will!! I’ll be on my way down buddy!”

I sat my phone down beside me and noticed the sunlight shining though my living room window and into my eyes.

I looked at Butters and Sunshine and smiled as I wiped another tear away from my cheek.

For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace in my own home.

In my own apartment,

and in my own skin,

I felt free.

I put on

Now it took me some time. I went to hell and back, and now I’m good. I know I did the best I could.

It took me living life to know how to live it.

By some miracle, I did it on my own.

Dear reader, I hope you have a wonderful 2026, and I can’t wait to catch up with you next time. Until then, I’ll continue working on myself and will continue to try to grow.

In the meantime, I just ask that you take great care of yourself, and have a year of drinking the loveliest tea you can find.

I can't wait to hear all about it :)

With much love,

~Cody Wade

aka The Oolong Drunk

“Blissfully Tea Drunk”