Spilling the MOST Tea, Part 2: Death by Love-Bombing

Dear reader,

Hello there!!

How was your week? Did you drink a good tea on my behalf? Or, did you drink a good tea on your behalf?

Speaking of tea, I’m gonna need you to buckle in for this next one because there’s a lot more to be spilled today. However, before we get in the thick of it, I must ask you: Have you ever had a love that was explosive?

A love that would ignite like dynamite?

Well, this leads me to my final question: Have you ever been love-bombed?

By definition, love-bombing is the act the action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them.

Now, with that in mind, let me tell you about Wyatt, the man who would set off the next bomb in my love life; leaving me a detonated mess in the end…

A month after my break-up with Tom, I decided to put myself back out there again. During the month of dating-celibacy, I took care of myself. I went to the gym on a regular basis, I spent time with more friends, and I kept volunteering. I truly believe I handled it the correct way: I cried at night, cussed his name during the day, and kept typing and deleting the same text over and over to him, until I began to cry over him. After a week of this cycle, I reached the stage of ‘acceptance’ and was ready to graduate from my ‘relationships anonymous’ support group.

A month after my graduation, I decided to take another go at the world of dating, and to my surprise, I matched with a guy named Wyatt who lived two miles from me. He had brown hair, crystal-brown eyes, owned his own house at age 28, and a smile that inevitably made me smile.

You see, this is rare. I live in a town that’s smaller than 100,000 people. There’s a total of 30-40 gay people in my town, and the ones on the dating apps are either couples in open relationships or closeted men who are secretly married to straight women. The other gay people in town are gay couples who met somewhere else and moved to my town, or they’re lesbian. For any chance of me meeting a potential partner, I either have to date someone thirty-miles away in Denver, or hope that a single gay man moves to my town.

However, there was a single guy my age who was just two miles away. In my near 5-years of living here, this was a first.

I messaged Wyatt with a simple hello, and quickly after, he replied. After a bit of small talk, Wyatt and I were launched into a discussion. For me (and as I’d later find out, for him), this conversation felt like talking to a long-lost friend. We had the same hobbies, lived a similar lifestyle, and almost wanted the same things, until he said, “Well, I’d love to hang out, except I’m not looking for a relationship quite yet. I just got out of a 6-year relationship, and I just want to settle and lurk on the dating apps for now.”

“Damnit”, I said under my breath.

While having another gay friend in close proximity would have been nice, I was also on dating apps, to, well, date.

I told Wyatt that I enjoyed talking to him, except I didn’t want friendship. Instead, I told him, “Why don’t you save our chat, and when you’re ready to date again, just hit me up, and we can go on a date.”

He agreed, as we both parted ways…

That is, until a bit of time later, when I stumbled across him on a different app. Upon seeing his face, mine lit up. I couldn’t help but send him a message.

“I thought you looked familiar,” I said with a smily-face emoji.

Quickly, he replied, “I saw your profile and kept wondering if I should message you!”

To which I responded, “And what would you have messaged me?”

Wyatt said, “To take you up on that offer and officially go on that date together.”

My face lit up as Wyatt and I exchanged phone numbers and set a plan to go out on one of the most romantic first dates you could take anyone on: Sample hunting at Costco.

Wyatt and I met in the Costco parking lot. We both came from the gym, which felt fitting. It was as low-maintenance a date as you could have hoped for. We walked the aisles, got samples, and talked away as if we had known each other for months. After raiding all of the samples, we went back to our cars. However, before we parted, we both looked in each other’s eyes and leaned in for a kiss.

It was the kiss.

The sparks. The fireworks. The infighting of a fuse.

It was a kiss I’ll never forget…

Then, the words came out of his mouth, “Do you wanna grab dinner tonight?”

I smiled and agreed. My face turned red, and I drove back home with all of the butterflies.

Later that night, Wyatt showed up at my apartment, and showed up with a small bouquet of flowers and a stuffed animal.

“I figured you might want something to think of me.”

I blushed as I took it and held it.

I looked up and leaned in for a kiss, and he kissed me back.

Dear reader, I wouldn’t be able to really tell you anything more specific that happened, mostly because I was in a daze. The date went smoothly, we both talked all night, both had the same end-goal in a relationship (kids and marriage), and we left that date feeling a strong connection between us.

However, that week, Wyatt had to leave town for work. He went out of state to a work conference, and while gone, we FaceTimed every night before bed.

He said he enjoyed chatting with me and felt it was bad timing. He wanted to be back home with me and didn’t want to up and go while starting something new with someone.

However, while he was gone, I slept with the stuffed animal he bought me and thought of him at night. After chatting for a few more nights, he didn’t feel like someone I was just dating; he started to feel like a true partner in crime.

Later, when he arrived back home, we went on a date night. When seeing him, he gave me a massive hug, a hug that could melt away any stress in the world. We looked up at each other and kissed before he said, “I don’t know what this is, but I want you.”

I replied and said, “I want you too. I don’t want you seeing anyone else.”

He smiled and said, “That would make me very happy.”

It seemed like everything was going according to plan. The stars were definitely in my favor.

A few more weeks had gone by, and by this point, we had started calling each other ‘babe’. We had ‘the talk’ and agreed that we belonged to each other, and we were boyfriends.

We went on more magical dates, had even more magical sleepovers, and got to meet each other's friends.

While introducing him to my friends, my friends pulled me aside and would say, “Cody, he’s a huge improvement over the last one! He’s a keeper!”

And as it turned out, his friends were saying the same thing about me.

We also understood each other as well. His dad wasn’t in his life, and neither was mine. We grew up very similarly and wanted to create a family.

Except, one major difference is that his mom and sister both lived in a house across the street from him. Despite that, he talked about wanting me to meet them eventually. In the meantime, we went to the gym together, ran errands together, and for the first time in my adult life, it felt like I truly had a life partner.

I finally had the fulfillment I had always wanted.

Everything started to feel like a Hallmark movie, that is, until it didn’t.

A few nights later, I went over to Wyatt’s house and saw the contents of his garage. It looked like someone was moving, and out of curiosity , I asked, “Whose stuff is all of this?”

Wyatt looked at me in shame and said, “Well, it's all of my exes' things. When we broke up, he went home to live with his parents. We actually lived here together for four years. However, I gave him three months to come by and pick up his stuff.”

“Oh,” I said as I looked at another person's entire life packed way in this garage.

“Do you think this could lead to issues? I mean, if you have a lot tied to him.”

Wyatt looked at me in shame and said, “I’ll make sure you’ll never be put in the middle of anything. He’s in the past, not in my future. He cheated on me, and the relationship was toxic. I’ll never go back to a cheater… You’re my future. I never want you to ever feel anything other than important in my life.”

I was hesitant, but believed him at his word.

That night, we cuddled, watched PBS, and looked at the aurora borealis together.

However, that’s when he brought out the bong.

“I usually take a hit before bed. Is that alright?” He asked.

“Well, I can’t smoke because of my asthma, but I don’t judge.”

He smiled, took it outside, and came back in. Then, in a split second, I said, “Well, I haven’t in a while. Sure, I’ll take a hit!”

I took the bong outside, took a hit, and almost instantly, I nearly fell over.

“Jesus, how strong is that?” I asked in confusion.

“It’s a stronger one from one of the new dispensaries in town,” he said apologetically.

Then, I turned into his arms, closed my eyes, and said, “I can’t move. I can’t open my eyes. My head feels like it weighs a million pounds!”

Wyatt stayed calm while he guided me towards his bedroom.

“Let’s tuck you in and get you settled,” he said as he guided me to his bed.

After climbing into the sheets, the room began spinning uncontrollably fast.

“I need, I need…” I said as I tried to word-vomit without actually vomiting.

“Medicine! Make the room stop moving!” I exclaimed as I grabbed tightly onto the bed and began to hyperventilate.

While trying to stay calm, Wyatt quickly threw on his jacket, grabbed his keys, and said, “I’m out of pesto and Dramamine, I’ll run to the store and grab some real quick! Try to stay calm, I’ll be right back!”

I closed my eyes with my head in my lap, and almost a second later, Wyatt returned home.

“Here, take this,” he said as he force-fed me Dramamine and Pepto.

“The world is moving! But the universe is also expanding.  We’re moving twice! Like, the earth is moving on a fixed plane, but also, it’s the matter that’s around us that’s expanding! But, expanding into what?! More space?! But we already have space!” I exclaimed in confusion as he force-fed me Pepto and Dramamine.

Twenty minutes later, the nausea and dizziness began to subside, and as it did, I lay down and quickly went back to sleep…

The next morning, I woke up next to Wyatt, and he was staring right at me.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asked gently.

“I’m feeling better, actually,” I admitted.

Wyatt started to tear up before saying, “I’m so sorry. You turned green. I had no idea you’d react that way, or else I’d never give it to you. All of the stores were closed, so I stopped at 6 gas stations to find everything. I was so nervous.”

“I smiled and replied, “It’s okay, really. I thought it was really sweet how you went out and drove all over town to find me medicine to make me feel better. Like, that makes me feel really special that you’d take good care of me.”

He looked me in the eye and said, “That’s because I love you.”

Although I wanted the Earth to stop spinning all night, it finally did this morning.

I smiled as I replied, “I love you too.”

He then pulled me up on his chest as we cuddled all morning…

Later in the week, Wyatt and I were eating dinner together as he said, “I'm starting to get overwhelmed. Since my mom and sister live across the street from me, I see them often. With my last relationship, my family felt like I spent too much time on my ex and not enough time with them. I’m rebuilding my trust with them and trying to repair that. My mom is also getting older, and my mom and my sister need me. I do so much for them; I don’t know what they’d do without me.”

After listening to him, I put my arm around him and said, “Well, you don’t have to pick and choose. You don’t want to compartmentalize your mom and sister, and as for myself, I don’t want to be compartmentalized either… You realize you can have both, right? Why don’t you find a way to incorporate all of us, tougher? After all, we all have 1 person in common that we care for and love.”

Wyatt stared at the wall while contemplating. He eventually replied, “Well, that’s true. It would be nice to have everyone together so I don’t feel like I’m neglecting anyone.”

I then said, “Well, it would be cool to meet them. The holidays are coming up, and one thing that’s important for me to have in a relationship is someone I can spend the holidays with. I’ve spent many years celebrating holidays alone, and I don’t want to have to be alone again if I have a partner in my life.”

Wyatt looked at me in the eye and said, “Then you won’t have to. I’ll find a way for you to meet my family, and then we’ll spend the holidays together.”

A few days later, Wyatt came to me with a plan: That upcoming weekend, I’d be meeting his mom and sister.

However, the day before, Wyatt called and said, “Hey, so mom, mom, and sister are being a little too cautious. They’re nervous meeting you, because they were really hurt by my last breakup.”

I asked, “Wait, how were they hurt?”

He hesitated before replying, “Well, my sister got really close with my ex, and when he cheated on me, it broke her trust. My mom was also blindsided by the breakup, because she thought things were fine. It really hurt both of them.”

I started to get wary before replying, “Well, let's postpone it then. But, I’m also not your ex. I don’t want to be punished or projected upon based on what someone else did.”

Wyatt became apologetic and said, “Well, yeah, that wouldn’t be fair to you… I’ll have a talk with them, and we’ll meet the weekend after.”

The weekend after rolled around, and Wyatt came over. We were going to leave for dinner from my place, and from there, we would meet his mom and sister at the restaurant.

Before too long, his mom and sister arrived. We stopped at a cafe, I made them tea as an ice-breaker, and we continued on to dinner.

During dinner, his mom’s patience grew thin. Throughout the course of the meal, she barked at our waitress, talked over her, and other times, was insulting. His sister was quiet, and throughout the entirety of dinner, his sister hardly said two words to me.

Wyatt and his mom excused themselves to go to the bathroom, and now was my perfect chance to clear the air with his sister.

“Hey, so Wyatt was telling me that you were hurt pretty badly by his ex… I wanted to make my intentions known, that I have also been cheated on, and I really care about your brother. I’d never do anything to break his trust. I hope we can grow to be friends.”

She gave me a blank look and replied, “Well, that’s good for you. But family is the most important to him. I don’t know what you want from me, but that’s not my problem.”

I smiled and nodded and kept to myself before Wyatt and his mother returned.

Later that night, Wyatt and I returned to my apartment. Upon walking in, he gave me a huge hug.

“That went so much better than expected,” he said with a sigh of relief.

I smiled, held him, and said, “I’m glad too. Thank you for including me in your life.”

Then, I quickly moved over to my computer, put on “Your Love is King’ by SADE, and took Wyatt by the hand and started slow dancing with him.

“This is to celebrate a wonderful night,” I said as we swayed back and forth.

Wyatt then looked at me as tears began to roll down the side of his face.

“What’s going on?” I asked calmly while holding his hand and waist.

He stuttered as he said, “It’s just, no one’s wanted to dance with me before. No one has treated me this well before. I never thought I could have this, and I’m just so glad you’re in my life…. I love you.”

I said ‘I love you too’ as I held him while facing in place…

Two days later, Wyatt and I made plans to talk during my break at work. He said he’d call me when he woke up, and I'd take my break then.

It was the week of Thanksgiving, and I was going to the grocery store during my lunch break to get food to help cook and prepare.

Wyatt sent me a text and said, “Good morning!”

“Good morning to you!! I’m ready to talk when you are.” I said.

Ten minutes went by, and he didn’t text back.

I then found a break at work, and went outside and gave him a call.

No answer.

He then quickly sent a text that said, “Hey, I’m on the phone with my mom, figuring out plans for my sister.”

I replied, “Oh, well, you said we could talk when you wake up. I just took my break, wanted to check in with plans before going back in.”

He then replied, “Well, that’s your problem. No one told you to take a break. I’m on the phone with family.”

I replied, “Why are you being so combative? I’m only doing what you said to do.”

To which he replied, “You can’t take me away from my family! Family comes first. I know you don’t have any, but that’s not my problem.”

My blood started boiling. My heart rate went from 0 to 100 as I quickly replied, “Hey, that was combative... You’re replying to me like I’m attacking you. I’m not your ex. It’s me, I’m on your side here.”

Then, as my break time ran up, I gave him a call one more time.

He answered.

“What?!” He barked at me as he picked up the phone.

“Why are you being combative?! It’s been half an hour, and I took my break to talk to you. You said we could talk to figure out plans, and now you're being combative. Like, I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not trying to take you away from your family. I was about to take my lunch to get stuff at the grocery store,” I said while trying to stay calm.

He replied, “Yeah, I did say that, but that’s not my problem. I was on the phone because today is my sister’s birthday. You know, family comes first, and as far as Thanksgiving goes, I don’t think you should come anymore.”

I started to breathe heavily as I said, “What the hell?! Where is this coming from?! I said I didn’t want to be compartmentalized, and now you’re pushing me out?! What is this all about?!

He then said, “I’m overwhelmed, and I just got over my ex, and I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know you. I should have never dated you.”

I then angrily replied, “So why are we dating!? What has all of this been then if you didn’t want to be with me?! You said you loved me! You cried when we danced and said you were glad I was in your life!! Why are you self-destructing?!”

There was a pause on the phone before he concluded, “I wanted to see if I could actually love someone again after my ex. He left me broken. Now that I know I can have a future with someone, and now that I know that I can love someone, I want to take the time to take care of myself and be single again.”

Without hesitation, I quickly spewed out, “So you used me?!”

There was a hesitation on the phone before he concluded, “Well, at first, yeah. Then it got out of hand…”

I hung up the phone, drove over to his house, and rolled down my window as he walked up to my car with a handful of my belongings. After we exchanged things, he kneeled down to my driver's side window and said, “Look, I’m sorry I manipulated you.”

While looking forward, and without turning my head, I replied, “You love-bombed me. It’s bad enough that you used me, but you did it intentionally. You knew what you were doing.”

He sighed and said, “Yeah, yeah, I did… I’m going to go back to be with my family, and you’ll go home to no one, because you don’t have anyone. But that’s not my problem anymore. I'm sorry for you.”

I quietly rolled up my car window, reversed out of his driveway, and went on my way home.

That was the last time I saw Wyatt.

Dear reader, I learned several things throughout all of this.

First, if you smoke weed without having any tolerance, you'd better start with the cheap shit.

Second, don’t ever date someone if they say they’re freshly out of a relationship. No matter if they say they’ve moved on, you still run the risk of being projected upon by previous trauma.

Lastly, if you click with someone so closely and so personally, that’s a great thing! However, if you do it too fast, you run the risk of being love-bombed. You run the risk of being the subject of someone else’s experiment, and you run the risk of being hurt in the end.

However, when I pulled home that day, I went and grabbed the stuffed animal that Wyatt bought me, and sat on my couch and stared at a blank TV screen for the rest of the night.

I didn’t cry.

I couldn’t cry.

I couldn’t move.

I spend 3 days sitting on the couch, staring at a blank wall.

I began to question: What’s the point of dating anymore? Why should I even attempt to have a life partner? I’ve wanted to get married and have kids since I was a kid myself, and yet, why is it this difficult? Why must I keep going through all of this, just to be hurt this bad?

I hate to say it, but I started to build a deep hate and resentment towards gay men and dating altogether.

In the meantime, I’ll be sipping on this unsmoked lapsing tea, which isn’t so bad, and will wait for the hot water to smooth these leaves of bitterness out of my soul.

Until next week,

~Cody

Aka The Oolong Drunk

“Blissfully Tea Drunk”