Spilling the MOST Tea, Part 4: In The Name of Jesus Christ

Dear reader,

Welcome back!!

Now that we’ve had peace and quiet from neighbor drama, let’s talk about another neighbor of mine:

A coffee shop.

Last year, a coffee shop by my apartment.

Now, you might be wondering, “What happened here?!”

Well, I made a lot of close friends since working here, and some of the people from there actually came into my life with love and hope. However, for two other friends I made at this shop, it means something much different.

It brought up abandonment and reminders of previous traumas.

Here’s the tea, on working at the best place I’ve ever worked at….

This time last year, I was in need of a second job to help pay for a major car repair. After several months of no luck, the prospect of finding a second job was looking hopeless. After all, I still felt fortunate to have just one job.

However, after a failed interview at a distillery, I walked back to my apartment to see an answered prayer: The vacant shop space at the base of my apartment got a new tenant.

Just the week before, the space was empty. Now, there was construction going on in the space. A week later, a storefront sign went up, and the brand-new coffee shop opened.

Perfect timing, right?

Well, I went in to apply and two noticed that this was no ordinary coffee shop. This coffee shop in particular specializes in hiring teens and young adults with special needs and disabilities. They give a chance for these teens and young adults to build a resume, and give them a chance to meet and socialize with other people with special needs as well. Although the shop was not hiring any more help at the moment, they said they were looking for volunteers.

The prospect of needing a second job quickly went out the window.

I felt like this opportunity was more valuable.

Over the next few months, I ended up volunteering at the coffee shop. I ended up learning how to make coffee, espresso, and a wide variety of coffee drinks. With this, I got to learn something more incredible and valuable:

I got to learn about the people who make up the local special needs community.

Seeing these young adults on a regular basis ended up healing something that was missing within me: I felt like I was slowly developing a family.

I was befriending the young adults with special needs, their parents, the regular employees, and also the owners of the shop.

Over time, I also befriended two of the regular full-time employees of the shop:

Cosmo & Wanda.

You see, Cosmo and Wanda are in their early 20’s, are from my town, and also involved in the local community…

The local religious community.

Cosmo and Wanda worked hand-in-hand and are inseparable. Based on how they interacted, you’d assume they were a couple. However, Cosmo grew up attending the church that Wanda worked at. Wanda actually met Cosmo’s church while on a church retreat, and ended up getting hired to work in the ministry. She moved across the country and moved here by herself.

However, at the time of meeting them, the three of us began to hang out more regularly. Cosmo and I met up to go to dinner a few times, and he even took me rock climbing. Wanda and I also had a few outings of our own, and since I saw them on a semi-regular basis through volunteering, I didn’t think our friendship extended past the coffee shop.

That is, until I talked to Cosmo at the coffee shop.

“Wanda is dealing with something hard. I feel bad for her. Maybe you should check up on her?”

Then, I pulled out my phone and called Wanda.

“Hey, let’s meet up for ice cream! See you at 7?”

Wanda was hesitant, but reluctantly gave in and met me for ice cream.

Wanda and I sat in the window of the ice cream shop, and I noticed something was off with her. Given that she had a bubbly and upbeat personality, this felt very odd and strange.

After sitting in silence, I said, “You don’t have to open up to me or anything, but I also know that when going through something rough, it’s not always good to sit at home and be inside your head.”

She gave a faint smile and replied, “Well, thank you. I’ve just been struggling lately. Today is the anniversary of the death of a close family member. It was hard on all of us. It was hard on me. He was like a father figure to me.”

I sat there in silence before replying, “I lost my father when I was 14. I know very well how it feels. The anniversary of his passing is hard. It doesn’t get easier with time; it just changes and looks different every year.”

Then, Wanda and I got into a discussion about our past traumas and our families, and realized that we grew up very similarly.

After an hour of wound-healing, Wanda and I left the ice cream shop. Before she went to her car, she gave me a hug and said, “I love you, friend.”

I stopped.

The world stopped.

I haven’t had a friend tell me that they loved me in quite some time.

In years, actually.

I was taken by surprise, and all I could do was hug her back and say, “I love you too, friend.”

That’s when I knew that Wanda wasn’t just a friend from the coffee shop; she was a friend who was now in my life, regardless.

As time went on, we developed our friendships and continued to hang out outside of the coffee shop. Cosmo and Wanda eventually invited me to game night with other young adults in their church group, and after a while, Cosmo and Wanda began to feel like family.

Cosmo and Wanda, along with the other people at the coffee shop, became a safe place that I could go to regardless of my issues.

Eventually, I took my first ex, Tom, to the shop to meet Cosmo and Wanda.

When Tom met Cosmo and Wanda, Tom and I were on the way to the gym together and went into the shop wearing tank-tops.

When talking to Cosmo and Wanda, Cosmo kept looking back and forth at Tom and my biceps. I don’t know if it was intentional for him to be looking that long, but he didn’t try to hide it either.

When Tom and I got to the car, Tom said, “I think Cosmo is into you. He was definitely checking you out.”

I hesitantly replied, “Yeah, I mean, he was checking both of us out. But, I think he’s straight… Right?”

Tom replied, “Straight?! That boy is gay.”

However, after several months, Tom and I went to a game night hosted by Cosmo and Wanda. This was the first time that Tom got to actually hang out with the group, and as a green flag to the relationship, everyone liked him.

As you know, Tom and I broke up.

However, Wyatt and I began dating, and I even took Wyatt to the coffee shop to meet Cosmo and Wanda.

Upon meeting them, Wanda pulled me aside and said, “We like Wyatt better. He’s much easier to get along with!”

Then, after a few weeks, Wanda invited Wyatt and me to a game night where he got to interact with everyone.

With a good night in the bag, Wyatt and I got back to the car as Wyatt said, “So, is Cosmo out yet?”

I stared at him blankly and replied, “Interesting… you’re not the first person to ask me that.”

A few weeks later, Cosmo and I went to dinner at In-N-Out.

After Cosmo and Wanda’s relationship seemed so close-knit, I had to ask him about his feelings for her.

“Wanda!? Why does everyone keep saying that Wanda and I are together?!”

I chuckled as I replied, “Well, I mean, you two are like other halves! You are both the same person.”

Then, Cosmo sighed as he said, “Well, to be honest, I’m not into Wanda romantically…”

“WHOOMP, THERE IT IS,” I thought to myself as I awaited a closeted confession from Cosmo.

I leaned in closer to Cosmo while awaiting his impending coming out as he continued,

“…because Wanda reminds me too much of my mom.”

“Damn it,” I thought to myself as I quickly leaned back in my booth.

As you know, Wyatt broke up with me. After that breakup, the first people I saw and told about the breakup were Cosmo and Wanda.

After the breakup, I walked down to the coffee shop in my pajamas, eyes bloodshot, with my hair looking like it had been blowing in the rain.

“Cody, what’s wrong?” Wanda asked as she and Cosmo hurried over to me.

I couldn’t speak. I was still in shock, and no matter how hard I tried to get the words out, I couldn’t.

I opened my mouth, and as I did, I began to cry.

Cosmo and Wanda held me as I cried in the shop.

I was safe.

However, this is when things started to take a different turn.

This is when this story goes from a heartfelt tale of chosen family to a tale of triggering PTSD…

Two weeks later, Cosmo and I made a plan to go out to dinner and catch up on life things. Since my breakup with Wyatt, I was feeling empty and needed friend time. I was still figuring out the process of how to find a therapist, and dealing with my neighbor's situation. However, we made plans for that Sunday. As Sunday rolled around, I got dressed and waited on the couch.

An hour went by, and I eventually gave Cosmo a call.

No answer.

Another hour went by, and after a final phone call, I got undressed and went to bed early.

A few days later, Cosmo eventually texted me back, “Oh, hey! So sorry about that. Family came in from out of town, and I totally forgot!”

I ignored the text and decided to let it go.

Then, I got a text from Wanda.

“Hey, I’m sorry that I missed you and Cosmo the other day! I won’t be able to see you any time soon, though, as I’m going back home for the holidays. Maybe we can plan something when I get back?”

“Sure! When do you get back?” I asked.

Wanda replied, “Well, I’ll spend two weeks back home for Thanksgiving, then I’ll be back here for a week, before going back for a month for Christmas.”

“Oh, will you have any free time in that week that you’re back?” I asked.

She replied, “Well, no. I’m super busy. I’ve just got a lot of stuff planned between the church and everything else. I’m sorry!”

Well, as the next few weeks went by, things with my neighbor began heating up. I had already started the process to file a restraining order against him, and I kept feeling smaller and smaller.

Around the week of Christmas, I called Wanda, and without surprise, there was no answer. However, the next day, I was at the coffee shop when I watched another employee face-timing her.

I then started to feel insecure.

As December moved along, I didn’t hear much from Cosmo or Wanda. Except that Cosmo came up out of the blue and texted me. He invited me to go to his family’s Christmas church service on Christmas Eve.

Surprised by the invite out of the blue, I accepted.

When showing up to the Church service, I sat in his family’s section while gritting my teeth through this pastor’s service who, I shit you not, talked about how Herod the Great is someone to be appreciated because he at least believed in Jesus Christ when no one else did.

Dear reader, let’s pause the fucking breaks on this one.

According to ancient Syrian texts, Roman king Herod the Great massacred an estimated 144,000+ children/toddlers because he was so scared of the incarnation of God coming to take his power away from him; he believed that if he killed all young children, he’d eliminate God’s human child, thus further securing his place on the throne.

The pastor was preaching that King Herod was to be praised, because even in the face of fear and murder, he still believed in Christ, and would enter the gates of Heaven because he at least believed in Jesus Christ. To conclude, we should all be like Kind Herod and have faith that Jesus Christ will come again, and we’d enter the gates of heaven.

I’m not remotely making this up. This was the Christmas message.

We finished by singing Hallelujah and some Kumbaya bullshit while holding hands.

Merry Christmas.

Anywho…

As the service ended, Cosmo talked to his brother to hurry home and set up for game night, before turning to me and saying, “Thank you for coming, see you next time!”

I drove home while confused as to why I was even there to begin with.

Eventually, Wanda returned home after being gone for over a month, and after being unable to make plans for a bit, Wanda and Cosmo finally agreed to come to my blog’s 10-year anniversary party. However, they both showed up late to the event. While trying to grow patience for them, Cosmo and I made plans to hang out a few weeks later. We roped in Wanda and made a plan to hang out on the next Sunday night.

However, as history would repeat itself, I showered, got dressed, and waited on the couch. As time went by, I heard nothing from either of them.

I eventually texted Cosmo, and no reply.

After an hour, I called Cosmo, and it went to voicemail.

I texted Wanda, and no reply.

Then, I sat alone in my apartment as I thought to myself, “The last time I got stood up on a regular basis like this was by a gay man.”

Then, I instantly thought about what my ex said about Cosmo.

“AH-HA, only a gay man would stand me up like this because Cosmo is gay!”

Then, I got a feeling of anger spike as I thought about both of my exes. I also got to thinking about how both of them told me they loved me, and now they’re gone.

With a spike of adrenaline, I quickly hyperventilated as I began to uncontrollably think about everyone in my life who said they’d be there for me, and couldn’t show up.

My dad.

My mom.

My entire family.

Anyone who has ever loved me.

Most recently, Cosmo and Wanda.

Then, in a fit of panic, I texted both Cosmo and Wanda and said, “Hey, I’ll need a break from these friendships. This is starting to hurt me more than it is helping me, and I need to take a break from this.”

Then, Wanda almost immediately replied, “I’m so sorry for whatever I did. I’m not sure what happened, but I’ll pray for your forgiveness and ask God to show both of us the way.”

However, I didn’t hear anything from Cosmo until two days later.

“I’m sorry for not responding to my phone. I’ll pray to God to help me be a better person, so I’ll check my phone more often.”

After reading Cosmo’s text, I typed, “You not checking your phone wasn’t the problem, standing me up is! Personal growth comes from YOU, not God. God can’t fix your stupidity and flakiness because only YOU are in charge of that!!”

However, as I typed it, I looked at my phone and realized that sending this text wouldn’t change the outcome.

It would’t do anything.

I took a deep breath, deleted the text, and replied, “k, I forgive you.”

I then deleted Cosmo and Wanda’s contacts from my phone, deleted my texts with them, and decided to move on from our friendships…

Dear reader, I learned several things from this.

First, I learned that you should never go back to a church that tells you to give praise to a child-murdering king.

Second, I also learned that when people show you who they are the first time, you should believe them. If a friend stands you up or screens your calls, then you should’t expect them to do any different moving forward.

Lastly, you are allowed to give people chances. Everyone deserves grace.

However, how much grace is too much?

That’s only for you to decide.

However, before we go further, I need to tell you about something else that I went through when growing up. I need to tell you why I can’t gauge how much is too little, and how little it is too little.

Until next week, have a cup of tea that will warm your soul and will bring you peace and tranquility.

See you next week.

With much love,

~Cody

Aka The Oolong Drunk

“Blissfully Tea Drunk”